yay burritos!

Dexter Season Three

So last night I logged into my trusty Easynews account, which by the way if you don’t have one, you’re seriously missing out, it’s $10 per month and is easily the best ten bucks you’ll ever spend. You get mp3s, movies, tv shows, porn, you name it. I can’t think of many times I have logged into easynews and not found what i want to find. Shit, I just grabbed The Dark Knight DVD rip from there, only what… 2-3-4 months before it’s out on DVD? Yes kids, Easynews is awesome and you need to sign up. It’s worth it. I have been a member of Easynews for 7 years or so?

Anyway, I log in and I search for Dexter… I was going to download the last episode of season two to bring me up to speed for season three basically, which debuts on TV tonight I think. Sure enough, somehow, through the magic of leaks, season three’s first episode was already online to grab for free, thank you Easynews!

The show is awesome. If you’ve never seen Dexter, you’re missing out. Forget that lame ass version they put on CBS. You need the uncensored version they put on Showtime. CBS bought Seasons 1 and 2 from Showtime (actually a trade being that CBS owns Showtime) when the writer’s strike was on and they needed something to keep people watching their network.

Anyway… check tonight’s show, it’s worth watching.

Sign up for Easynews while you’re at it, shit, you’ll find anything and everything in there. I have never found a group or CD they didn’t have. Seriously. Way fucking cheaper than iTunes. heh

What would LEGO Stephen Hawking do? He’s sign up for Easynews. Shit, he probably invented Easynews.

Tobey Maquire is gay

I can’t stand Tobey Macquire. I don’t think he can act overly well, maybe that’s just me. Maybe I just think he’s a pimple on the ass of society, I dunno. I didn’t like him In Spiderman, in any of the series.

I think when he was bitching and complaining about his back, SONY should have replaced him with Jake Gyllenhaal like they were pondering. Now word on the street is that Mrs Macquire has been signed for Spiderman 4 and 5, which are expected to be shot back to back. James Vanderbilt (Zodiac/Rundown) turned in a script that SONY wet it’s panties over, so it’s all happening now. Raimi is back at the helm as well, as is Mary Jane Cuntface, whoops.. sorry… I hate Kirsten Dunst as well. Raimi is great though. Well, good at least. Let me summarize for the slow kids in the back that don’t like to read talky talky

Fuck it, I guess I’ll just have to wait for the Venom movie to take place. Hopefully they leave Topher Grace in place, even though he kind of died at the end of Spidey 3. Fuck it, bring him back. They’re letting retard put the Spidey suit back on, it’s not like Topher can do worse. Let Todd McFarlane write some magic damn it, don’t leave it up to some two bit hack.

This just in, Tobey takes pipe!

sigh. I fucking HATE this guy.

Being Bald

So I have always had my hair longer, maybe 2-4 inches area, and then of course like a lot of guys, I’d throw styling crap in it to make it look gay etc. Earlier this summer, I was laying in bed and I was sweating like crazy and I decided fuck it… I got up, I shaved my hair down to the 1 setting on the electric plug in clipper. You know the razors your parents would use to trim ya, the trimmers they use when you get a hair cut.. you know the ones.

Anyway, I was on the 1 setting… so I figured fuck it, I removed the guard and just used the clipper, bare teeth/cutting thingies etc. Much shorter… I was liking it too. Then it happened. My girlfriend asks me why don’t I shave it bald? I explain that 1 in 20 guys if you’re lucky looks decent bald, and I’m pretty sure I’m not one of them.

A few weeks passed, I would trim my hair down to near nothingness every 4-5 days with the aid of my sexy better half. Then the other night I am looking in the mirror, and I figured… fuck it. All or nothing time. I didn’t want to use a blade/shaving cream because well, I have little nicks and bumps and I’m a pussy, alright? I didn’t exactly relish the thought of razor cuts on my melon. Fuck that noise, I’ll use my trusty Philips triple head shaver. This is sure to piss off and aggravate my scalp.

So after about 10 minutes of going back and forth, back and forth… I am left with as close to bald as I will ever go, being that… as I said, I won’t use a razor. In many areas though, it was smooth like a baby’s bottom so the triple head razor worked just fine.

yes, that’s one my shitters behind me

So what did I learn from being bald? Well, first off, it sucks. You feel every fucking breeze on your head, you honestly have no idea how much your hair does… until you have none there. It does feel kind of cool in the shower. Normally hair creates this foil where water drops down an inch off your face or whatever… not now though. Now it just races through every crack and cranny on your head, you basically get a mouthful of water if your mouth is open.

I also learnt that my scalp sure as shit doesn’t tan. It’s like I’m powder (you know, the movie? powder? the movie “powder”? forget it). I have a tan on my face and body more or less, then this perfect white helmet where hair used to be… it’s erie. Not erie good either. Thus, hello Mr Baseball cap. Fuck having conviction and wearing my baldness proudly. No, I don’t think so. I made a dumb call late at night. Nothing more, nothing less. At least I can say I have been bald once though… my hair grows back fast, I figure 3-5 days and I have hair again. Short stubbles… but still hair.

The one thing about this ever so non existent hair style that I do kind of like… I can see my scar on my head.

I got this scar from the bottom of a beer bottle in a fight. Well, not sure if I can call it a fight, it was more getting attacked than anything. I was walking late at night with my then gf’s best friend home from the store, across a field.. about 2 in the morning. We were jumped by two guys trying to mug us, they matched their footsteps to ours so we didn’t hear them approaching quickly, the field wasn’t grass, it was more weeds, dirt, some grass… you know, typical undeveloped field between condos. So I got smoked over the head with a beer bottle from behind, the guy came running up behind me, jumped up in the air and past me with the intention of coming down on my head with the beer bottle. I got a 3 inch triangular wedge stuck in my cranial cap. Good times. The ending of the story, I fucked up both guys badly. I’ve got a black belt in Kenpo Karate (although I haven’t trained for over ten years so my black is def not black anymore). I only hit each of them once in the face, they got their one hit on me with a beer bottle.

Get this shit, they actually tried to have *ME* charged with assault. I gave them both hairline fractures in the face bone and one of the guys, I cracked his eye socket as well. The judge of course was like… get the fuck out of my court room. So the bruised and rather puffy faced (swollen) bad guys lost and also got charged with assault with a deadly weapon (broken glass) on myself and my ex gf’s best friend. Yes, justice worked for once, it was awesome. Anyway… I digress…

Being bald… it’s… well, not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m not one of the 1 in 20 that can pull it off, this I am certain. Now if my hair is crazy short, like, trimmer level 0 so it’s *almost* bald… that I can live with. You’d be surprised what a difference a few millimeters of hair actually does.

Free NHL Hockey Pool

Ok kids, as mentioned earlier, I am setting up a NHL Fantasy Hockey Pool for the upcoming season. I am goin to have 8-12 teams in the pool, so if you’d like to have a fantasy hockey team in the Eltardo pool, speak the fuck up or forever fuck off.

Price is FREE so seriously, you can’t beat it. If you’ve been in Yahoo Fantasy Hockey Leagues, you know they can be a decent amount of fun. Shit, the price is right.

Stop sucking and email me and let me know if you want in.

eltardocom@gmail.com <—email me here. (dur)

This is how I placed last year… it wasn’t as good as I was hoping in some cases, but meh, it was alright.

I hate old people

Fuck I hate old people.

Now to clarify, I think an “old” person is someone that is 75-80+ area. Don’t get me wrong, I have respect for my elders or at least try to, but holy jesus christ on a stick, somebody kill me now. Ever get behind one of these wizards in traffic? Fucking blue hairs. All ya see is knuckles on the steering wheel of a 65 Cutlass that ol’ Willie left her when he passed. So ol’ Margaret is driving in and out of the same lane, at 20 or so… while a stream of traffic builds behind her.

Shouldn’t driver licenses be mandatory for testing after 65? Like… every 2 years or something? Who cares if it’s a pain in the ass, we’d keep a lot of senile old fucks off the road.

I’m in Walmart the other day with my girlfriend… and yeah, she’s an attractive woman. So I get to watch these old fucks that have pretty much given up on getting laid again stare and drool like they are in their own private little peep show. Like nobody sees them drooling and leaning over to get a better peak. Of course if I call one of these pricks out for being a rude cunt, of course I look like the over protective asshole boyfriend. That sucks, so I don’t play that card. Instead, I stare back at them with  stern look like… WTF do you think you’re doing. I’ll get in between their eyes and my girl’s chest or ass so they have no choice but to look up to me. I’m not what I’d call a hulk, but my gf thinks I’m a bigger guy. I stand 6’0 and I weigh just under 190 area. I’m fairly muscular and without a question, if one of these monkeys were to say something inappropriate to her, I’d probably hand them their ass. I guess I am over protective. haha. I love her though, what can ya do?

The thing that cracks me up, is that we’ll be in Walmart or some grocery store… the old guy is there with his wife, and even though he is right beside her, he stares like nobody is there. It’s like when you’re drunk… and you stare at something because it takes you longer to focus and tabulate in your head exactly what the fuck you’re staring at. For all I know, being old and smelly is like being drunk… meh, not a clue.

Speaking of smelly… we’re in line the other day at Walmart and this old woman in front of us cuts one. I mean, she *really* let one rip. Quiet…. and I kid you not, I almost vomited on the spot, all down her back. I swear to god, she shit her pants. It was bad enough that we left the line to join a longer line so we didn’t have to stand in her waste.

Man, the stories I write about on here hey? heh. Can ya just feel the love?

Alright, enough ranting. I’m off. Night world.

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