yay burritos!

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Nov 21 - BlueEyed Cass
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900 Pics

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46 Pics

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71 Pics

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more updates here!

Don’t steal my Pringles

Nov

I saw this story posted somewhere else, I wanted to share with you turd-burglars. This is one of those stories you read and then want to somehow try yourself just to see if it would work. heh

—-begin story———-

Well I had had just about enough of that!

I mean sure, when you live in a building in the misty shadow of a freeway overpass in a post-apocalyptic looking stretch of Old San Francisco Town, a crippled pigeon’s hobble away from the old, burnt out docks, you have to expect some ne’re-do-wells to come creeping around from time to time to cause a little mischief. It’s part of the charm! But my 1984 Cadillac Eldorado, an American classic that one would think even the most desperate, rock-hungry crackhead would respect enough to limp by at a wide berth with little more than a reverential whistle, had been broken into for the fourth time, and its interior had been stripped of pretty much everything except a few swaths of fine faux wood paneling.

I had to take action. Immediately.

I considered staging an all night stakeout with my blowgun in the bushes across the street from the gravel lot where I park and dart the next infidel who dared enter Sarge’s golden chariot, but there was a double episode of “Deal Or No Deal” on so that wasn’t an option.

Instead, I decided to lay a trap, literally. And believe you me, this trap I had in mind would teach my burglar such an awful lesson, I knew he’d be down to the closest public library to make a HotJobs account first thing the next morning. I was going to send that bitch on the straight and narrow.

I went to the store and bought a can of olestra Pringles, the fat free ones that warn that they’ll cause whoever is foolish enough to enjoy them “loose stools.” And as I watched some idiot who had just explained to Howie Mandel how she needed to win at least $300,000 to pay for a crucial medical procedure for her mom and to one day send her wild children to college decide to go for the million dollar top prize after she already had over $400,000 in the bank, I started eating those Pringles. Eating them with abandon, more or less drinking them right out of the tube.

When I got about halfway through the can of delicious potato flake crisps, and the greedy idiot woman had lost all of her money to that evil banker, I felt a rumble deep in my bowels.

My plan was working.

I carefully removed the remaining half of the Pringles from the can to keep their uniformity from being compromised and hunched towards the bathroom with the empty tube.

And then, just like the label warned, my bowels began to go slack. But rather than deposit their troubled contents into the toilet bowl, I shot them into the bottom of the Pringles can, filling about a quarter of the tube with a fine brown froth before setting it aside. Once my bowels had finished uncoiling in the toilet and I knew I was in no danger of leaving the safety of the bathroom, I cleaned off my war torn ass, picked up my defiled Pringles can, and headed back to the living room, where the rest of the chips lay in wait.

pringles with poo inside I then carefully placed the uneaten chips back in the can, making it look like a mostly full tube of delicious Pringles. I replaced the cap, waited for a commercial break, and took my creation out to the Cadillac, placing it right on the dashboard with the doors unlocked.

About an hour later, after some other nitwit had greedily bet away a life-changing sum of money on “Deal Or No Deal,” I heard a blood-curdling scream from outside my window, followed by several minutes straight of stomach evacuating retching.

My enemy had taken the bait, pressing his luck with the contents of my beautiful car one too many times, going for the crackhead equivalent of the top prize and losing it all, and I haven’t had the Cadillac broken into since.

Yes, once you pop, you can’t stop, that is until you realize that that last Pringle you just ate was sitting on a polluted sea of Martin Sargent’s wrath. And that won’t just make you stop eating Pringles, but stop everything and completely reevaluate your fucked up life…

Martin Sargent, you are indeed my hero.

source: Sargeworld

Posted by eltardo on November 21, 2008 | Posted in awesomeness, link, lol, stories | No Comments »

Sarah Palin is a fucking retard

Nov

I can’t get over how dumb Sarah Palin is. Thank christ she’s not going to get any higher in office then she is now. Thank you for voting Obamatron into office. He rocks.

Check this video, but not if you have a weak stomach or love Turkeys. I understand that Turkeys are bred for us to eat in most cases and I’m not a vegetarian, I love my meat… but if you’re going to do a TV interview..

Don’t do it while Turkeys are being slaughtered directly behind you. Common sense says hello. Wow, what a fucking retard.

Posted by eltardo on November 21, 2008 | Posted in videos, wrong, you tube | No Comments »

OMGFUNNYPICTURES

Nov

Yeah, I didn’t know what to call this post. Fuck off.

So here are some random blah blah blah pix, mk sunshine? mk.

Hello, mixed signals, how are u? I am fine.

If I was filthy rich…. I’d have this outside my hous… umm.. wait.. no I wouldn’t.

Not sure who she is, but she`s gorgeous so I thought I`d show ya her boobies.

This is Sasha from Camwithher. I`ll have a *LOT* more on her soon.

this shit is cool

Ariel is one of the hottest red heads online.

She`s puuuurty

I know I have had this before, but it`s funny.

ummmmm

President Idiot FAIL

The Nissan GT-R is sad.

Cool ass avatar

Posted by eltardo on November 20, 2008 | Posted in animals, avatars, awesomeness, babes, breasts, cool, fake boobs, funny, gt-r, lol, nissan, nude, random, real boobs | No Comments »

Creepy old guys

Nov

Have you ever noticed at shopping malls, there always seems to be some guys sitting in the lounge chairs or mall benches… and they’re staring at every female that walks by.

It’s like waving steak in front of a starving dog’s face. It’s fucked up to see… I was at the mall tonight with my girlfriend and watching the way guys would watch her or watch other females… it was fucking hilarious.

What are these guys thinking? A girl will see you drooling and looking desperate/lame and she’ll want to strike up a conversation? What the fuck color is the sky in your world?

I imagine they have one of those controlling relationships where their gf or wife drags them to the mall, so they sit and wait as she shops.. easier in their mind and hey, they get to check the eye candy as it passes. No way these guys actually are there to meet women, no fucking way. it is funny though. Ah well, I hadn’t posted today so I thought I’d rant.

I’m sure any females reading this, if they’re even reasonably hot will be able to identify with what I am saying. Some creepy old guys out there, no fucking question.

Posted by eltardo on November 20, 2008 | Posted in fuck you, funny, general, rant | No Comments »