yay burritos!

Hot Models

I am a busy man. A busy, busy man. With that said, I have been slacking somewhat. I have some other blogs but I haven’t been posting to them. no good reason why.

Sure, I could make up shit or tell you I am *sooooo* busy but too busy to make a post or two? No, not that busy.

So.. I am going to start posting a lot more to my porn blogs. Yes peoples, I said PORN blogs. (woot!)

These are not safe for work…dur.

Hot Model Blog uses the same style I use here at Eltardo, but with RED (originality is over rated, suck me). I custom wrote most of this so fuck it, might as well use it as often as I can. heh.

So I’ll try and blog on that site at least 2-5 times daily.

Face Down Ass Up uses the identical skin once again, same colours this time.. heh. We have around 30 blogs and there are only 4 or 5 that use this skin so cut me some slack. Look on the bright side, at least you’ll be able to know where everything is easy enough. Loads of videos in this one… go through the girl’s pages and smile.

I’m currently working on a blog based on Cam With Her that will be full of goodness. Watch for that next week sometime.

Denise Milani has HUGE Breasts

Have you ever heard of Denise Milani? If you’re answering no that question… let me give you two good reasons to know who she is..

This, is Denise Milani.

32DDD Breasts. What in the…… those suckers are HUGE!

I shall be featuring more of Denise in the future… count on it.

  Click either of these to see a couple galleries of Denise Milani

Vikki Blows

This has got to be the greatest model name ever. Seriously. Vikki Blows.  ORLY?  YESRLY. This gorgeous model comes from the UK and is taking the magazines over there by storm, she’s out to dethrone Keely Hazell and while she doesn’t have the breasts Keely has, she is pretty damn hot. Take a look, let me know what ya think. As always, click for larger.

You’re welcome. Now register and comment. heh

Hef’s new girlfriends

So what do you do when you break up with your three girlfriends or they break up with you? One word… TWINS.

(click for larger, fap, repeat)

19 year old Kristina and Karissa Shannon are Hef’s new girlfriends and by girlfriends we means they are girls, and they are friends… not quite sexual partners though. PB says they are Hef’s new toys, but I disagree…there is no way this dude still achieves wood, even with Viagra. Nasa couldn’t launch his rocket, seriously.

Ashton Von is the Eltardo of the week

Ashton Von, also previously known as Renee Nicole or whatever the fuck, is a retard. As such, I am hereby awarding her with her first award. I call this the Eltardo of the Week. I know that suggests I’ll award other fucknuts in a week or so… and perhaps I will, but for now, Ashton Von is the Eltardo of the week.

She’s the Eltardo of the week for ripping myself and other webmasters off, over, and over, and over.

Now, I am sure some of you are saying… who is Ashton Von? Who is Renee Nicole? Who the fuck am I talking about and why is she the Eltardo of the Week?

Okay, first off.. this is Ashton Von and her fake boobies:

So yeah, she’s pretty hot. I am not saying she’s not. Some suggest she looks like a drag queen or a tranny, but my guess those comments come from fat girls that are pissed at life or world of warcraft players that haven’t seen the outside of their backyard, let alone the company of a woman.

I am suggesting she is an eltardo. Why you ask? Well, as you know if you’ve been reading this blog, I am an adult webmaster. I am also a photographer. I run several sites, some of which are affiliate blogs. What that means, is that I sign up under another site and then write in my blog about the site and if someone signs up because I referred them, I get a referral fee. Simple shit.

In the past, I was getting some good sales from sending people, to Ashton Von/Love Renee (her old site). Then magically one day, it all stopped. What the fuck happened? Did she die? I did some research, first, I hit the message boards.

I learned that Ashton Von does *not* take care of her members. She promises monster updates and if you’re lucky you get between 1-5 a month, not the 1-5 a week she tries to tell you will be happening. Now as a webmaster, i understand sometimes shit happens and you don’t update. Sometimes it’s life, shit, sometimes you’re just feeling lazy… I get it, I’ve been there too. No worries… but when the same pattern is present for fucking YEARS and you’re still trying to tell people you’ll update and you don’t and they bitch about you in forums… well shit, something has to change. Either stop lying to people, or get a real job.

She’s a perfect example of the web models I spoke of earlier in my web models are lazy post. I wish nothing more than a job at the mall on Renee, but I think she’d get fired from that too.

So then I thought… ok, why are my sales not there now? Her site still is running. Second thing I thought is maybe she shut my account off. Nope, she didn’t. I hadn’t done anything wrong and I was sending her sales so it wouldn’t have made sense for her to disable me.

So then I log in and I check my stats inside ccbill to see the specifics of her webmaster program. This is where I see the issue. I call up CCbill to make sure I’m not nuts. I had a pretty good idea of what was happening, but hey, maybe I am looking at it wrong… I ask CCbill as I said, they agree with me, Renee is a fucking retard. CCbill confirmed the way her account is set up, she is set to do both, which makes no sense at all. A flat payment means no percentage… some webbies do that, they pay a flat rate, then they take 100% of the rebill. Some times that makes more money… in Renee butterfuck’s case, not so much.

So what am I going on about? Alright, those of you that don’t do affiliate shit won’t get this perhaps, but fuck it…

If you click the image above, you’ll see the specifics of her webmaster program. She is currently set to pay out 60% of every sign up that comes to her from somewhere else *AND* she is also set to give a flat payout in addition of $24.95 per sale. ummm wtf?

What this means… normally, you chose one or the other, you NEVER  NEVER NEVER chose both or your account quickly goes into negative and the webmaster doesn’t get paid. Chicken doesn’t rebill for shit because guys join and see there is no updates, she’s full of shit and well, they cancel. So basic math…

Her site charges $24.95 per month for membership so of that, she credits her webmaster for 60% of the sale which is $14.97 so of the first $25 in, I get $15 of it. That leaves her with $10 basically. BUT… she *ALSO* has her shit listed to pay me a flat payout of $24.95… so if she only has $10 left, for her to pay me $24.95, her account is debited for the other $15 so I get paid. What does she get paid? Nothing, zero, zip, nadda. She loses money this way, each and every sign up an affiliate sends her.

Now not all her sales are affiliate sales, but as a webmaster, i can tell you that your affiliates do give you a nice chunk of sales, so in short… she’s paying out an extra $10 per sale to affiliates… which would ass fuck her skinny clown ass quicker than she can say I LOVE MY MEMBERS! (she’d never say such things though, check the video). In short, she hasn’t paid out money to affiliates in close to a year, which means her website is in the negative… or damn close. Too bad, her bad boob job was making me money.

Renee is one of those cuntbags that thinks smoking is cool and she looks good doing it. Smoking is stupid, no nice way to put it. I’ve lost a parent to lung cancer and I have a second one with it now so I know how smoking fucks those you love. It’s a selfish thing to do, but that’s a different topic for another rant.

Here’s some of her awesome photography from her bedroom. This girl is damaged goods and then some. Check the bruises… yay Renee, you’re pretty cool. (not so much)

Try not to google for ASHTON VON SITE RIP because yes, they are out there. I sure as shit wouldn’t pay for wiggle-tit’s website. Shit, she hasn’t updated in 2 months now.

Fuck she’s a retard. Ashton Von is a Joke.

There, I feel better. Bitch rips me off for a year or so, fucks me and all her other webmasters out of money. Yeah, she sucks donkey cock.

She should QUIT rather than lying month after month

now that is a hot thought…. bitch going offline… whoa…
must not fap. must not fap. must not fap. must not fap

Please register, tell me what you think of Renee.

Want to see more links of hatred towards bitchlips?

haloscan.com/comments/greentrip/nay2

through to

haloscan.com/comments/greentrip/nay32

So in other words… flip the end number from 2 to 3 to 4 to 5 to 6 all the way up to 32.

Also… check the reviews and feedback from tons of ex members here:

petitionspot.com/petitions/ashtonvon

petitionspot.com/petitions/ashtonvon/signatures/pg/2/

ps. I am not a mean person.

Congrats Renee on winning the Eltardo of the week award.

Web Models are LAZY

I know more a decent number of webmasters and photographers that work with web models. I myself have worked with web models for the past 10-11 years so I feel secure in what I am about to say, based off things I have experienced first hand or heard my fellow co-workers say to me.

Web models are lazy.

I guess I shouldn’t stereotype and suggest they all are, because I know a few that are not lazy, but rather… they are workaholics. Then again, stereotypes exist for a reason right? More often than not, the shit is true. I can’t count the times I have worked with a girl that was attractive, had a killer body etc and she had the work ethic of 4 year old. I don’t know, maybe they get told they’re hot so much, they actually start to believe that means they can be lazy and they’ll still make money. When in reality, how many sites are out there? How many other girls are showing boobies that actually have work ethic? Why do these girls think they can be tards and get rich? Oh that’s right, because their boyfriend or some other equally ignorant to the way it works person has told them. heh

When I got started in the biz, I worked with this one girl that work ethic like fucking crazy. She wasn’t the hottest girl I had ever seen, not by any means. She had a great body though, she took what she ate seriously, she watched the shit food and kept junk out of her diet. She had a tight frame, and she worked hard to keep it tight. She looked at it like, I am paid because guys want to see more of me… if I become overweight, I won’t make as much money. So looking good was her job for lack of better title.

After she’d been doing her website for 2 years, she was making $24,000 a month. PER MONTH. That’s $288,000 a year. Not bad for a 21 year old girl hey? I know girls that make much more than her too, not uncommon for a girl with work ethic to pull 30-40G a month after her site is a few years old and she’s developed a fan base. These girls work at their site daily with fresh photos, videos etc. They never sit back and fuck around.

An average day for the girl I worked with when I started consisted of… wake up, check emails, reply to fans. Get ready for day, eat properly, maybe go out and do some photos, get back… check email again, reply if needed. Do a cam show for fans and show up before her show time, and stay after her show time. On any given day, if she was scheduled for an hour long webcam show, she’d be there 3 hours at least. one hour early, one hour late. Often when she popped into chat she’d be the only one… so she’d wait. Guys would slowly come into chat early because they knew she’d be there early. They were able to count on her. She made this her job and nothing, I mean NOTHING else was more important to her.

Kind of makes sense doesn’t it? If you were running a store in the mall… you’d put all your time into opening a store, you’d work there every hour you could right? Try and make more money…  so why is being a web model any different? if you come at it with a half assed effort, how can you seriously expect to get anywhere?

What is missing here? Why is this so fucking hard for some web models to understand? Isn’t it common sense?

Pretend you’re a customer… if you join a site, what do you want?  Attention. You want to have a good time. You want to feel appreciated and know that YOU matter. you’re not just another dollar in some companies pocket. I myself am not a fan of huge corporate bullshit sites. I like the amateur stuff, but that’s me. I’m not saying a company can’t help, but the girl needs to be involved, ya know? I like sites where the girl herself makes her own calls. She is her own boss at all times. The way it should be. Sadly, when it is this way, usually… the girls are fucking lazy which brings me back to the main topic here. Sigh. Never-ending fucking story. heh

I wish some girls took their customers more serious. I wish some web models pulled their heads out of their cunts long enough to realize that they can be replaced. Anyone can be lazy, what makes you unique? haha

I’m not writing this as an open letter to any of the girls I work with currently, although if I am being honest, almost every girl I work with currently could definitely do a better if she’d only step it up a few notches. It’s not exactly hard work. Treat the customers with respect and put them first and you’d be surprised how quickly your own life turns around. I am often asked why I take care of ‘my girls’ so well (the girls I work with) and the answer is simple…  if I take care of them, they will take care of me.

This is the same shit with customers. make them feel special, give them time and go the extra distance for them and watch… they *will* rebill month after month because you’re putting yourself in a category that most web models are not in. The category of a girl who gives a shit and has work ethic.

To those that do have work ethic, keep on doing what you’re doing, your success in life is there because you fucking rock. Yes, there are hundreds of thousands of other models online, but 99% are fucking lazy, and they’ll be replaced next month with another batch of girls that think because they show tits they’re gonna be rich. Meh, whatever.

Man, if I was a hot girl… I’d be fucking loaded. I know I won’t have these looks forever, I’d be shooting 10-20-30 sets of photos per week, stockpiling like a motherfucker so later in life when I gain weight or whatever happens (life throws curve balls at you if you’d hadn’t realized this yet) I have tons of content to fall back on. As the saying goes, use what you’ve got because you won’t have it forever.

Will this post make a damn difference to any of them? Doubtful. The lazy are lazy for a reason, they just don’t give a fuck. Their life is the way it is, for the same reason. No worries, I need someone to ring me up at the grocery line or get my food for me at the restaurant. Not everyone can be successful.

if just one girl reads this, gets angry and steps it up a notch… I’ll be happy. Why? because her income will double, or triple… and well, that is never a bad thing.

Alrighty.. rant over.

Random shit from internets

Alright fist fuckers, it’s that time again. Praise Jesus, Allah, Gandhi, whoever the fuck you call the high mighty. I’m going to give you more random crapola.

First things first…

you will never be this lucky.. and this gets the

Olympic wedge

uhh… yeah… your wife will love this.

I have gotten some emails from some of you girlyboys wanting to see my shaved cock, so here ya go. Jesus, I post a video of my balls and the world goes cutesy. fuck.

“No, seriously, I know Adam Sandler.”

edit: nice air boner from behind their captain queero

 
Go check out Nikki, she rocks the house.

The most accurate take off ad I have ever seen

 
this guy gets all the girls. fact

Way cool geeky mario brothers tattoo

Send this to your girlfriend and she will have the sex with you.

I’m gay for Smallville so here’s Lois Lane for ya… Eric Durance NUDE. Not that it matters, but some of you geeks like me might have been like.. whoa when you first seen these.

avatar time… (use these in forums yo) more here

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