el tardo - home of me

yay burritos!


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BlueEyed Cass
Nov 21 - BlueEyed Cass
64 Pics
Misty Gates
Nov 21 - Misty Gates
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Southern Kalee
Nov 21 - Southern Kalee
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UKTeaze
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Nov 20 - Spunky Angels
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Baileys Room
Nov 20 - Baileys Room
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Play With Paris
Nov 20 - Play With Paris
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Kate's Playground
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Nov 17 - UKTeaze
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Nov 17 - Pam Rodriguez
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Nov 17 - Megan Summers
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Meet Madden
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Nov 16 - Jolie Twins
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PiperFox
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Cute Summer
Nov 16 - Cute Summer
101 Pics

more updates here!

5

Sep

So I have always had my hair longer, maybe 2-4 inches area, and then of course like a lot of guys, I’d throw styling crap in it to make it look gay etc. Earlier this summer, I was laying in bed and I was sweating like crazy and I decided fuck it… I got up, I shaved my hair down to the 1 setting on the electric plug in clipper. You know the razors your parents would use to trim ya, the trimmers they use when you get a hair cut.. you know the ones.

Anyway, I was on the 1 setting… so I figured fuck it, I removed the guard and just used the clipper, bare teeth/cutting thingies etc. Much shorter… I was liking it too. Then it happened. My girlfriend asks me why don’t I shave it bald? I explain that 1 in 20 guys if you’re lucky looks decent bald, and I’m pretty sure I’m not one of them.

A few weeks passed, I would trim my hair down to near nothingness every 4-5 days with the aid of my sexy better half. Then the other night I am looking in the mirror, and I figured… fuck it. All or nothing time. I didn’t want to use a blade/shaving cream because well, I have little nicks and bumps and I’m a pussy, alright? I didn’t exactly relish the thought of razor cuts on my melon. Fuck that noise, I’ll use my trusty Philips triple head shaver. This is sure to piss off and aggravate my scalp.

So after about 10 minutes of going back and forth, back and forth… I am left with as close to bald as I will ever go, being that… as I said, I won’t use a razor. In many areas though, it was smooth like a baby’s bottom so the triple head razor worked just fine.

being bald is interesting
yes, that’s one my shitters behind me

So what did I learn from being bald? Well, first off, it sucks. You feel every fucking breeze on your head, you honestly have no idea how much your hair does… until you have none there. It does feel kind of cool in the shower. Normally hair creates this foil where water drops down an inch off your face or whatever… not now though. Now it just races through every crack and cranny on your head, you basically get a mouthful of water if your mouth is open.

I also learnt that my scalp sure as shit doesn’t tan. It’s like I’m powder (you know, the movie? powder? the movie “powder”? forget it). I have a tan on my face and body more or less, then this perfect white helmet where hair used to be… it’s erie. Not erie good either. Thus, hello Mr Baseball cap. Fuck having conviction and wearing my baldness proudly. No, I don’t think so. I made a dumb call late at night. Nothing more, nothing less. At least I can say I have been bald once though… my hair grows back fast, I figure 3-5 days and I have hair again. Short stubbles… but still hair.

The one thing about this ever so non existent hair style that I do kind of like… I can see my scar on my head.

scar

I got this scar from the bottom of a beer bottle in a fight. Well, not sure if I can call it a fight, it was more getting attacked than anything. I was walking late at night with my then gf’s best friend home from the store, across a field.. about 2 in the morning. We were jumped by two guys trying to mug us, they matched their footsteps to ours so we didn’t hear them approaching quickly, the field wasn’t grass, it was more weeds, dirt, some grass… you know, typical undeveloped field between condos. So I got smoked over the head with a beer bottle from behind, the guy came running up behind me, jumped up in the air and past me with the intention of coming down on my head with the beer bottle. I got a 3 inch triangular wedge stuck in my cranial cap. Good times. The ending of the story, I fucked up both guys badly. I’ve got a black belt in Kenpo Karate (although I haven’t trained for over ten years so my black is def not black anymore). I only hit each of them once in the face, they got their one hit on me with a beer bottle.

Get this shit, they actually tried to have *ME* charged with assault. I gave them both hairline fractures in the face bone and one of the guys, I cracked his eye socket as well. The judge of course was like… get the fuck out of my court room. So the bruised and rather puffy faced (swollen) bad guys lost and also got charged with assault with a deadly weapon (broken glass) on myself and my ex gf’s best friend. Yes, justice worked for once, it was awesome. Anyway… I digress…

Being bald… it’s… well, not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m not one of the 1 in 20 that can pull it off, this I am certain. Now if my hair is crazy short, like, trimmer level 0 so it’s *almost* bald… that I can live with. You’d be surprised what a difference a few millimeters of hair actually does.

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Posted by eltardo on September 5, 2008 | Posted in me, personal, photos, rant | No Comments »

6

Aug

So, if you’ve been reading this site for very long, you know three things thus far. Ok.. maybe four.

  1. I am obsessed with my girlfriend
  2. I am obsessed with cars, comics and movies.
  3. I am one funny motherfucker. (search balls)
  4. I can be opinionated. (Hey, at least I don’t walk on the fence, I pick a fucking side)

With that said, today I woke incredibly early and my rather hot girlfriend (who does in fact have a name but for purpose of screwing with Google and search engine stalkers, we shall call her ‘girlfriend’ until further notice. Mk princess? mk.) and I went out took a bunch of photos. Why? Cause I can. Fuck you. :)

gf2gf3

Damn this woman makes me smile. :) Yes, there will be more..

Hope your day was as kick ass as mine.

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Posted by eltardo on August 6, 2008 | Posted in girlfriend, photos, popular | No Comments »

2

Jul

I saw this in the news, so I had to tell others about it. Not for any other reason than this guy, Adam Warwick, deserves to get laid for his heroic efforts. If you know Adam Warwick, hook a brother up. Seriously. Dude deserves some play after this shit.

A drowning 375-pound bear was rescued from the Gulf of Mexico after fleeing from a neighborhood into the surf in Apalachicola, Florida, USA.

Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission biologists said the large bear was spotted in a neighborhood near Apalachicola in the Panhandle over the weekend.

bear1

The bear was hit with a tranquilizer dart but managed to escape and bolt into the Gulf of Mexico before he was sedated.

bear2

As the tranquilizer drugs took effect, the bear began to drown in the Gulf.

bear3

However, biologist Adam Warwick jumped in to keep the bear from drowning.

bear4

Warwick managed to get the bear to shore, and then a backhoe operator helped load the animal to a truck.

bear5

See what I am saying? Adam, you rock man. Go get some.

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Posted by eltardo on July 2, 2008 | Posted in must see, news, photos | No Comments »

19

Jun

How was your day? Today I had to shoot these two hot girls, which of course, totally sucked. :| (not really) One was my girlfriend (far right side) with killer ass and dark hair.

photoshoot

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Posted by eltardo on June 19, 2008 | Posted in amateur, ass, babes, girlfriend, models, must see, photos, real boobs | 2 Comments »

14

Jun

Time for some random pix to make ya smile. Found these at various sites online.

2572136907_e568bf7345

Jessica Alba's Ass
Jessica Alba is the hottest MILF ever. This of course is before she got prego but god.damn would ya look at that booty. Click for larger. Who loves ya?

vegas

ass rape superhero

nipples
What is with her nipples? Are you liking puffies? Myself, I am not a fan of puffys… but hey, that’s me. I spelled them two ways so search engines would rape me.   

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Posted by eltardo on June 14, 2008 | Posted in cartoons, photos, random, real boobs | No Comments »