el tardo - home of me

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3

Jun

I’d like to take a trip down memory lane… come with me, won’t you? kthx. I have to give you back story or this shit won’t be extra funny.

I was living in the States awhile back, and I was married to this woman named Michelle. Michelle and I dated, doing the long distance thing for about a year before moving in together and then later, about seven months later… we went to Vegas and got hitched. Go figure.

I thought Michelle was my world. She seemed to get me. I seemed to get her. Things were going better than ever, and then, without fighting, without arguing, without anything… she up and leaves. Literally. We’d been married three years at this point. Something seemed really, really off though. I mean, we had a relationship that made our friends sick. We never fought, we were each other’s best friends… but then, she started working at a local restaurant. No big deal… except she was getting hustled by a waiter that worked there. this, of course, not known by me.

So we split and she tells me she wants a divorce. I was devastated but hey, what can ya do right? I of course blamed myself for everything, even though, as I said.. we were never fighting. I was confused as hell… but then some friends started to fill in the picture for me. She’d be running around on me, cheating with this waiter that was almost 5 years older than me and had been through 3 failed marriages already at this point. She got played, hard.

So I got cheated on, meh, you learn to accept it and move the fuck on, ya know? I’m actually incredibly happy it happened because truth is, we were never right for each other. She’s a fucking cunt, and well… I’m really a swell guy. hahahahaha I’m kidding, I’m not perfect by any means. She is a cunt though. (duh)

When we were dating, she went from being normal healthy size to getting a lot bigger. Like.. 5′1, 180 lbs range. Girl liked to chow down. Did I leave her? No. Did I bribe her sex with Oreos? no… I understand when someone is bigger it’s depressing and hard on the person, but come on, we control what we eat. We can get healthy if we chose to.

I stayed by her and taught her how to get her weight under control. She went on to drop the weight and get healthy again. I stayed by her side the entire time we were married, being the supportive husband. Yes, I told you before.. I rock.

So… the reason for this post… hahaha.. this shit kills me.

BiggestLoser_logo

I heard from a *very* reliable source that my ex has been accepted to be on the NBC tv show “The Biggest Loser”. If you’re not familiar with this show… it’s like this: Bigger people sign up, try and lose more weight than the people they are competing against.

So, when I look back on my cheating cunt of an ex, I can smile and think to myself… man, she really was the biggest loser.

Also.. as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason. I wouldn’t actually wish anything bad on her, I’d wish her all the happiness and success life brings her way. I myself, am much happier now without her in my life. If Shell had been faithful, odds are I’d still be with her and I wouldn’t have met my current gf, that I have been with now for 2 years as of tomorrow. I learned a lot from Shell, like, you can keep a bigger girl happy by getting them a gift card to Safeway. Shit like that.

Fortunately… I don’t have to worry about my current gf exploding out of her jeans. She’s a size 2 or something. I dunno, she wears XS and often that is even too big for her. If she later grew out to be 180 lbs… I’d stick by her, because it’s not the outer package that makes the person amazing. Weight doesn’t matter, it’s what’s inside, ya know?

My GF is the fucking shit. She’s smart, funny, is a geek like me that does web stuff (she designs sites, runs her own blogs etc) and to top it off, she’s hot as fuck. Hello icing on the cake.

See, things *do* happen for a reason.

Thank you Michelle for… well, being you. I hope everything worked out great for you, it sure as hell did for me. heh

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Posted by eltardo on June 3, 2008 | Posted in background, biggest loser, wtf |